Reflecting

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭139:13-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬ 

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Today is my birthday. I’m 36.

Today I’m sitting and reflecting on not only the past year but my life up until this point. Today, I am the same age my mom was when she passed away. I always told myself that I wanted to live longer than my mom. I wanted to be there to watch my kids grow up. It was such an odd thing to watch my kids grow past the age of 6. I was 6 when my mom passed. So not only am I the same age she was when she passed but this year will mark the 30th anniversary of her passing. Weird right?  It feels weird. So on a day where I should be celebrating and rejoicing, I’m just feeling rather blah.

I wonder what kind of advice my mom would have given me through out this year. I wonder how she would have reacted to the things my oldest went through, what our family has gone through this year. According to my Gramma and her siblings my mom was an outspoken wild child with a naughty streak a mile wide. Yeah that is so not me. My mom was probably a really fun person to be around and I honestly feel that I am so awkward. According to the kids I work with, I’m awesome and cool. According to my kids I’m a dork, so who knows right. But I feel awkward-sauce most of the time. (There I go making up words again…”You’re not that cool mom”)

I’m also nowhere near where I thought in was going to be at this point in my life. I never thought I would be a mostly stay at home mom to two girls, living in Colorado. Anyone who knew me in high school knows that I had dreams to become an actor. Heck I flew from Hawaii to California my senior year just to audition for theater schools. I even met John Ritter and his son Jason at the NYU auditions. That was always my dream. And who knows maybe someday God will bring me back to that.

Even at 36, I still don’t know what plan God has for my life. I don’t know where He plans to take me and what he plans to do. But whatever it is, I hope it’s amazing and I hope that it’s long-lived and I hope to make a difference in at least one life outside of the church.

Not Against Flesh and Blood…

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”  

Ephesians 6:12 NIV

So this post is going to have absolutely nothing to do with my kid. Well, mostly. This has to do with me.  Are you familiar with the show Ghost Adventures? I love the show. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine. I love the interaction on the show.  I love the people on it.  I love the locations they visit.  A lot of which are on my bucket list.

Now the big question. Do I believe in ghosts? The answer is a big, fat, NO. Do I believe their show is real? Absolutely!  So if they aren’t interacting with ghosts, what do I actually believe is going on? Well… see the quote above? That’s pretty much what I think is going on.  So if I believe that they are interacting with principalities and spiritual forces of evil, why do I love the show so much?  Other than the reasons stated above, God has put it into my heart to pray for them.  I don’t know them…well not exactly. But with everything they deal with and used to invite in, I worry about them. Yeah I know it’s weird to worry people I hadn’t met before.  But I do. God has put them in my heart for a reason.

Now recently, last week, they were in Colorado doing a lock down and guess who I ran into at the gas station?!

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Dude!!  First of all, can I say that I hate my multiple chins in the picture.  My oldest took it and said,  I looked fine.  So not trusting the judgement of my 12 year old again.

Now I always imagined what it would be like if I ran into anyone from Ghost Adventures.  I imagined how smooth I would be. The things that would say. I would tell them that I loved the show.  I would tell them that I pray for them regularly.  I would tell them that their last Ghost Adventures episode, The Domes, hit home in a way like no other. I would ask if  I could pray over them. I would talk to them about my theories. I would tell them, how their show has made me a stronger Christian and a better prayer warrior. I had it all planned out in my head.  Unfortunately, I’m awkward-sauce (which my kid informs me is not a word and I’m not cool enough to make up my own words, so I should stop) and well… I forgot everything I wanted to say.  I made small talk with Jay.  We talked about Colorado, how he filmed a movie out in Oregon last summer, etc.  I’m sure my awkwardness was VERY apparent. He and Billy were fantastic though.  Really nice people. I felt kinda bad that we were interrupting Billy because he was on the phone but they were great. They made my 9 year old’s whole year by taking a picture with her and signing a shirt she had on her. And the 12 year old was just being her angsty self (she really really wanted to meet Zak, I think she has a crush). They didn’t take it personally, I hope. Again, just really nice people.

But I truly feel like I wasted an opportunity.  I wasted what was probably a once in a lifetime meeting. I’ve seriously been having anxiety about it.  I’ve been in constant prayer for peace over my mind (since Thursday!). But you know what, if God wants me to tell them my story, then He will make a way.  He will make the impossible, possible.  He will make the unsmooth, smooth.  (Is unsmooth even a word? Spell check says it’s not.)  It will happen, if He wills it.  So I’m just going to attempt to sit back and let it go and just be amazed at the fact that I actually met them. I’m still rather giddy about it.

**If you need prayer for anything, it will always be my privilege to pray for you. Leave a comment and I’ll add your needs to my prayer list.

Its been a while…

It has been a month I tell you what.  First I didn’t update because of writers block.  I honestly had no idea what to write about.  I started with fantastic momentum and then bleh. Then I didn’t update because well… life.

School is over for my kiddos and can I just say, “HALLELUJAH!!” It has been one hellish year. My oldest’s first year of middle school ended in a bang, almost literally.  Someone decided to make a threat against the school on the final two days.  Can we say anxiety? It was crazy and I did not want to send her to school. She went, everything was fine.  The police stepped up their presence because of the threat from within the school and that robo-call that was happening across the country. It was insanity.

On top of all of that, I got rear-ended last week.  We are fine. No one was seriously injured, thank you Jesus.  The other parties insurance covered everything and I now have my yellow beast back.  Yes, I so drive a yellow SUV.  It’s my bae. Don’t judge me.

I’m hoping now that summer is here, I’ll have more interesting and inspiring things to write about. I want to take you all along on our summer adventures and continue to update you on my kiddo’s progress.  I should actually have another update shortly.  I was inspired to write it today.  It’s another one of the things that I don’t always talk to people about because I know exactly the reaction I will get…”You’re a Christian, why are you so into that? The bible says…” I know. Well you’ll see in a few.